all of what you have read here...its not the true depiction of who i am on a day to day basis.

but what would you do if you were in my position.

ive already lead you to understand some of my mind state.

so..here is my placement.

you're sane....but then for months at a time you discover other "entities" in your mind. and they want out. these entities want ur mind and body to live in as they choose. your soul now has to fight.

you say things and do things that aren't you.

your character, your mind, thoughts and your spirit of being, somehow stolen by the devil.
basically you, your person as you know so well, isnt being displayed.
the person people have loved isnt around anymore, or is just unrecognisable as being you.

FIGHT.

FIGHT FOR YOUR MIND

no matter how much in your soul you know your still in there. in that body of yours, in that mind of thoughts, somewhere is your own mind sight.
i never let go of the knowledge that it was my life and i would get my spirit back my mind back and my body. i would get me back to normality. i was strong in this knowledge even when i had no control of the paths my mind took.

yet sometimes i had to just run with what my mind presented to me as a possible reality.
although dangerous as it is to loose urself in insanity.
its more dangerous to struggle with it agressivly. its tiring and the result is falling deeper into the fear and paranoia, delusions and pain.

a negative response denotes a negative outcome. a positive aproach maintains and strengthens a positive outcome.

even when i fell into my insanity, it was clear to me that it wasnt sumthing i had argue with. why argue in ur mind just because u disagree with ur thoughts.
its a process of CHANGE and CONTROL but whats greater is its a CHOICE. to CHOOSE to keep a underlying quiet message to urself that its not true.
I DO NOT BELIVE IN THESE DELUSIONS.

it was easy for me once i realised it. a delusion is a dream while ur awake. seemingly more real because ur 100times more aware of the deam/delusion being played out.



SO..... why this blog
i wanted to let out these "entities" in away that i could control it so it dosnt come raging back into my mind with a vengeance.

i knew it would be a way to let go of it. letting go of falling ill to stages of insanity.

when im insane... im insane, but im still aware of reality.
when im sane... im sane. and thats reality.

insanity isn't permanent.

dont judge me because ive been "mentally unwell"

if you gotta judge, be in my life and take a closer look before you do judge.

funny thing is outa all my rantings in this blog.

this is probably the closest look ive alowed to be seen.

dont know if its a wise move or not.

never mind if its not.
probably safer than some of the thing ive written being seen.


SO THATS WHY,
AND (WHY) WILL  ALWAYS LEAD US TO A MORE KNOWLEDGABLE TRUTH.

TRUST THAT

XO

really?!

introducing. haha!

sarah is my birth name
lucy is me
diamond is emotional and good
gloss is diamonds twin as lucy is to sarah
miss vixen is the raw rapper
sez is the nic that spits
now u get all of me and u beeen waiting for more of thiis
4 views 2day and i wish who u are u like waht u see.
what ur seeing is the beggining of an effort to get outa here
and to where sez speaks
i gave myself 7yrs thats till im 30 and im getting there
from the east of this land.. but left here living in the west. feeling outa place and outa home where do u go when u gotta speak more than what u walk
to the lords door i look to u
am i better at he poetry or the rap whats the difference when u talk the truth of how it is
reality bein its here and the rawity is the rush whether ur whoteva
dont forget where u stand but where ur from
i know who i am and i know where im from
wairoa wish i was home.
for the most of this i got more to say
but ur gonna run away coz at this time ur reading wats hot and not at the ease of ear
stay with me as thia is history in the making listening to snoop, but being so underground.. i dont even have a beat yet
of my own
i will crawl
i will stuble
i will the walk
i know i will stand strong
and in wondering how not to fall i know better
not even at a height able to fall from yet

trailing all to find my place  to set my feet but nowhere feels sane and safe in mind
so there it was and how much laughter in ur eyes
ive found so much of me but
how can this be that i still cant see
well check me in is it  loving the music
and knowing im gonna make ya crazed ya
missd matched words never meant a thing
so ur wondering if i can sing
music is me
love is never freedom
so dont forget to be
and if u  cant be in ur love .. leave


really is that right?!

father  ..master of what we all here know is good..
(women, drink, ladys and greenary,isnt that right b/oi)
making this happen some other day
as of now its easy to be this.. but to get further im looking up to find alil star that aint been seen before.. what on im looking in the mirror and finding that diamond star shining so far..so glossed up
i want u to now this aint the half of life, the others beyond those golden gates of heavens doorway
the roads long but hardly at all, is it sumthing that we talk? wen it should have been/ wen we r not sposed to be here much longer. .
does that old king Jesus still seak.. retired of whats higher we will find
this is just the time
travelling up....all my life flying by in ur mind
making anyfool look behind and the good guy fall
thats what i do with words that ull kick the bak of the ball jus to find that game u playing was all by urself.. ur lifes nuthing compared to me
miss vixen and diamond breaking what sez threw ur way
and u thought u could say shot to the peple but that mess on ur face must hurt as ur hustling ur way through life just like my man does for me to have what i need.. but thats not whats important its music art and a hiher faith.. muny may be sumthing we need to live in this world.. but in more important eyes its the faith of whats higher.. u or me.. i can bet my blunt today was bigger than the words u speak.
mary jane bleeding into me poor bitch dont realise her life will neva be ova coz we all love her.
saint mary magdalene loved jesus but what happen to her reputation after her doing what it took to survive, most christ lovers frown upon her when she was blessed enuf to evn be that close to him. none of us can say int his life we have had that kind of respect from a king.

speaking is this.. talking is tales of wit and this messed up space.




 i wonder why.
if i fly to you
anywhere in the world 
one more time
if i cry
you would too
and when the sun sets 
so does the turn of tunes
isnt it time we started to make for a new way.
if u care should u dare to state that 
and the way that it should be
just like ud like to see it


stop living a lie with the way u stand there shaking ur head. before ur even asked to make a stand. a step up from where u stood before

raw mary

i have found you
looking through glass doors




what am i gnna put on this one


heres diamond im ready
now

do it do this

i got what they call the way, /
a ladys sway she..walks, talk../
im a lil dirty manner
 can u cope / roped in
with the raw/ truth of waht
/ i really want to say/
so well here it goes its filth/k
and this is gnna go/
 up beyond diamonds words..
 im gonna have ta call on the worst /
of me and all my alter egos.
. miss vixen is here to drop it to the top.
i dont wanna have to say this..
but play this


droping  beat .u think
think i cant make it saaw/
sour  grap
/u say ah ha na im thats u.
sweeter than carameled suga.... is me
the taste of me is more than a wild wonder in this world
 infact its the top 10 platnum wonder of this world diamonds child not for ur destiny but a select few of wisdom sitting in the tree of greenary. vip i will be with this beat

high as a lady killer everyday so how well can i do it to this sheet

straght down the middle is where i got it/
 where i will always want it everyday now. ill make ya grab ur lackerd sac and hard handle that.. mass mess u made from the wandera days

cum on..shot in her face..chased down with tequela and lime.. its time to watch only wats fine...missed mine.. diamonds trix on miss vixen. wondering why i gotta get myne im on time..sori ma if ur questioning this.. if its imbarrasing u sori again this is wat i gota do with my madness inhead..my names diamond miss vixen gloss watever u wanna call me my names sarah lucy thats the boss of this. shhhot



so dont shy away from this street... gaurd the shokt top step to the place before where u whept just spose i swept u away with the things i say

well i have i know dat
not hard to figure out away

to find this music up in my day and in ur face.. in ur head is where im seated but not for long soon well be up in the club... shorty they say do ya thang
swang that ldy killa swag on while ur
all ryt

stop


drop

topd and rolling
joint
smoked
toked and calling

mary jane i love that name

superwoman and her games


ego

we all have grab it an gravitate toward ur dreams. me im in my ego when i write but thats not me in everyday life.

its my way to treat me how i love to fear id be treated. learning do i dont have to cry when i lie in bed on my own.
this truth i own, and here id like to say its not all raw and ruff its raw reality of this old slut as sum would look down in on my life and assume i am, raw reality shows that this life is not all i am. i could succesed again, i could reach my dreams again. i could train my speech to be somethin of meaning.

but instead i  ri riot this rot of truth about the life i live and whats actual and the raw reality..im not sur i like my everyday but thats just ok coz theres one in my daily li-high life, miss mary the green healer inhaling and making me choke in my dreams laking motivation and jus chillin no matter the weather whether or not my brain rots im smoking away those catchable dreams, the paper and the green dream seems to be what i choose. when i look twice it dosnt seem like it shoulda been my life.

insanity in every song diamonds not on this moment of grown stories in this straight track forwards, ur listening to what sez saying it twice it cuts deeper than any knife, its soul pain to know yes ill say it again do i sacrifice my brain for this life, just to smoke up what boredom brings

trix in everystep in this life sumones fooling you, dont be suprised to find these words instead of what was introduced to be filth..by vixen. it seems raw marys dreams stop short of the oceans and what from the otherside you could see.

in any form im here to dance and feel joy again, its movement form the soul. i will retuen. and raw mary will always deture me while i let that be, i shouldnt complain, my life aint so hard. ive learnt how to see the ego in me. raw mary take me away one last time.

the tRAP

U got nething to say that aint nething other than stank rap yeah im about to degrade my words as bad as you do and say that your words are as bad as that stank rap saying shit that mytas well  be smelly meat. While here when I put that there its worth just what I speak to be listened to.

Oi fuck that’s where music has got to singing bout spaggetti and  meetballs. Im gonna change that chore in my airways. Listing to you is a bore. It’s a War on my mind thinking that music is sposed to be revolutionary not polutionary to our way of being.

And there u go again saying bby im bak say that before I snap, insane in my fucking brain and I don’t give up the chains u place around me. Coz those chains im rattling in ur head.

and u know the worst thing about this lil story is that im bord with the way u walk and then again ill state im bord with ur old game.

Time to step up to the mark u set with the first brain dead lp. Well in opinion of diamond yeah me, im switching u to -missed the spot , or was it mr what?

Yeah that’s what im saying whats wrong today ladies, under wea are u hiding that fucking hip pop rap shot in ur top spots im gnna knock down that fucking peddastool  u think ur safe on. One sound on every second trak is just annoying nik tik on the bak of my neck.

Retaliation of the state of American nations. Winning the prize of fame , claiming only hoe town games. With men that expect just the same.

Currpting youth with the enticement of ur so called sophisticated lives. Try on a soft cut of cloth that covers ur twat then ill think twice about calling u suga da da dum and hoe hound. Impounding ur sound to the class of time to say goodbye again and never to return. Oh brain draining music go away and never come again not any other day. 

Take that lumpsumit and find a solution a resolution …did rap really come from the soul isn’t it poetry in the modern world,?

coz that’s not what im seeing or hearing from u its all the same party time world throw ur hands up and get low.

don’t drive that shit slow I wat u to know I go hard if u wanna c me make u proud I could stand rite next to yall and find u all fall while I stand tall,

even though its the og shorty al whyt and while u stunt and swag ur way round the world in ur costume.. tighter I could make my skills but while im here im gnna do this rite and write this.  this way is how u will get it otherwise ud be mezmorised by my style.

That even I fall into the trap of rapping that type of rap im saying is so boring ova and ova again have I gone on all night ud see me swite speak write when only its allright.

Sweet dreams masters and so called queens. Here I go with my style of swag up in ur zone and u don’t know if u wanna accept that this is the best ive found just for now I never said it was forever so don’t look that way at me especially when Im in a beat and swing of tha cut pick of ur rut

then step up of ur toes and onto walking on water. So up there lifting u to be levertaing when u hear what I do coz that’s u know who lucy in the sky with diamonds bound to make you high.

and in the eyes of who u speak which is urself u see, u think u can fucking fly with ur slap swag on whats that u say fuck figurit,  slap swag is the way a woman hits aman when she puts here booty walk on that’s if she aint a skeleton on the cat walk. Coathanger figure is not me curved from top to thigh ,that’s knotch ten on the whats good bout diamond now belt that ive hit u with

Well well how high now can I take you. To space fool and beyond. Stars shine and u cry now uve herd my fool song dedicated to the revenge of dragons yet im a tiger pounceing when im ready not when u think u should click those fingers rub a lamp and magically I appear wouldn’t that be not fear. Do so I am working at this .taking time before time falls

well when it becomes unsuperficailal and becomes to be speaking of ways of whats here in our world and beyond ill ask forgiveness from you for this mix. 

now

 bow sit or squat.. im sure they thaought ud rot.. apparently not..na, neither should one like this..its mine.. its dumb.. if not the only one.. emphasis on, dumb one.. ah fuck wot... take a ba}ow na}ow. meow..haha just for laughs..jfl wat u gonna do now u need a new hit.. before u take anouther bow take a stand again.. then again.. on flip sides wheas my nudda...tkaing me wen i cant speak...ill ariva wen ive the ride up. thats the then yet this is ur now..or not blonde agian show on thoughts gone.. heres the all write written colapse of ya and rise of ah up to nuffin. nice and im gone


ill write to u.. 
and then
there was where i am now
never dissapearing now
or ever
i love here
but i dont like here when i look ahead to there
or backwards to when then was that
and thats wha ti expect when one looks bak to see it as that 
if i could ever remember what it was that i apparently enjoyd
just blank space in my mind 
i needa fill that void
i cant keep this up
sacrificing my brain for this life
id say that line too many times but i dont want to live that line anymore 
i know now i needa take i bow or curtsy allil for what ive come through, i shouldnt have my brain my mind and now i do im questioning the blank knowledge places and then theres these voices that fill up the other half.. i dont desrve this do i.. am i really that ethacally and morrelly wrong down the drain in my brain and ways that i live ar how i see life im too selfish so he tells me.. am i too beleve this well now im not in denial about the lies. i can tell u yeah i am, but aint that the recipe for success they say being a lil self absorb is the material that makes for a leader.. they know how to push throiugh difficulties in life a lil resiliant not bitter though for having to learn that resilliance and 'cold hearted head ways" to get here in this space im unsure if these are actually my feet standing on this bed. whoa this tigers gna creep the pounce in this world cant u see miss vixens not mad mat(e)


i can hold you for as long as ull let this be
if it was up to me
hed let me get this out so i dont go on believeing it anymore
if i write it inseated of living it in my head
wouldnt that be wise in these lives of mine 
so bad its not good
i think i myt have ta find that fairytale life
whoa
through the speakers again i find the pain in me
oh o
whoa
o
wha no
na o
oh o


why do i love this so much i needa know that this now is the begging of this how it could be seen its me in u and im happy to tel anyone thats listening how much i know u as u. and how im proud of us finding eachother in this crazed world... minds of a soilder life of a criminal... the mistakes uve pulled me into seeing and not having to go through again....from knowing and learing u... if i could live nearer to u i would. if only others knew i was talking to u. angel u r to me. e<3ry Single TIme..i miss u.


i wanna know i dont know u at all,,, 
yet ther is much more time but every day gone by is a day im not by ur side in every way we wish.. move on......
please dont but yeah shit i jsut did that and u thought i wouldnt but i did just to say i could do. sic


this bit
the last of it
snapped hit and whippt
distressed mess of the realist mixed chaotic spinner inthis maker creator father faith i have but my walls a shrinking in on me in this life. please. ive got the steps on this trak and thats made rite.. buy this life not the devil in me hate not with me or this voice that likes ta look my way.. id walk by if it took that but there are other ways to play ive given myself a start in getting used to having an audiance.. clouded it is its still a start when shy used to be ur way,, ur learning al lil bout me today . reversed it could have been but i know not what u wish to see of me. the distruction or curruption upon my life ive inflicted on myself,, but how would fait have worked for us if it wasnt this negative outcome of lines in life. hands and swords.. now below this balloon.. up in the strut of ya.. poped that ego busted oh why.. look down on me everyday, faith boi is all i gotta say/ ur not as old as i thought my friend. dont think things are rite in ur mind either by the sounds of things.,. the lotto luck gotta go to find ur lust its faith and a must.  musk or sumthing more green and grown to be stronger than we thought did u think it would happen to u coz i know i was warned and didnt believe a fucking word.. the futer was brighter than its turned u as. 


to leave on that note when really this is a blessing of gifts if i was to believe what that talk with god was about. walking through his garden sight in my mind as if it were a dream and i was awake it was and i didnt listen.. in shok at what was going on. thanks for the image of light. 
 imean it
dont fight fait 

i wanna type sum nice poetry 4 me n u. but fuck it it not wats wanted to be expressed from this minds emotional times... herts hearts and heads dont mix well ya see..so make it more than that... make it this.. next bit is me writing wanting ta sing..singing quetly...writing the dream slowly. designing the dreaam engraved into me. if it was then and this is now here was there after or before being on that square, curcle working the qurk of life, wife i wish to be but that means playing nice. put down that knife dont do dat again.. oneday you could find ur truth.. takes time tho.. and there u go.. that was my attempt to drop the suiced rates..im not one to sing of that 45 gun...no murder in my book..death, isnt sumthing to give to urself or sumone else....death is givin by god.. have some real faith.. dont lill in the name of. y u y do y get to? just for selfish minds,, to fix that crime upon his head, he should be dead.. fuck no. whoa white joe put down that gun,, whoa black joe put away that thought of deadly fun. immune to it you may be,, but that knida thing aint for the god i see. that flag may have ur hearts colours.. but that flag dosnot make u a law unto urself.


{{labled the savage of my gurls
protcting was wat i did.. from those creepy men wanting one thing.. if u wernt so lucky ur arse slap would result with u and a hit up in ur face.. no slap hit back.. but jabbed as i laughed...so the mentality was there just not to the extent of one with the same casual approach to killing oneself or another.}}


wat a day in this machine. if i could describe it to its full extent i would.. but like Heaven not a being could do this day justice. until i grow old ill hold onto that gratitude i heve. never letting this dissapear.. onto this i hold. breath

with all the strength of the creator ..than..this created machine



you you inspire may u inspire june.. in reality u inspire me in every month and moths that fly by in the nights light... u inspire to rid the wrath..


taking last dances
taking too many unsure chances
risks without conciqunce in my thought
wrong lookout
dance past times lady tik tok
dance past the sun
serene

to find just that a return to the classic of writtin word turned into rap.. if u would readit in that tone
all of it all of me,, this is it didnt u know.

i wouldnt call wat i feel an inadiquit thought or sumthing about nothing... it jus takes u a while to read it write. over 400 sumthings now come visit summore..or sumthing give u sumthing to do..
ah fuck that like thats wat i wanted to do sumthing sumthing sumthing is you that i should do. . b dats u.
i want it crazy like u cant belive and thats how u give to me . excitment on every turn in every day.. and then theres ur nice arse oooh.

seriously all yo' out there..ya chains are nice.. chain aire.. million arie....billions dare..to just live dick....straightfward shit mitchs... millionaire bitchs.

down here finding so much to wait for to reach my dreams. you say i couldve by now.. of that im aware thanks for the faith... but dirty 30 sits nice with me... more...down here below finding abovities being this aboveness and wha tthat seems, above me..above u

mixed

me n u could make cute, speak wildness, me n u culd make sweet ,drown u in insane, yeah me n u could make for a greater understanding that if any, only few can.
make time for me in those future plans even if its jus as a bitch you say , na my position working up in the world the rite way. one day ill be there in the only way planned because thats jus what u promised u could. if only i would. ur there im here so whats left but up in our heads, dreaming if only we could, me n u could make soundful musical magic more than the blessings weve been handed, this skill got me screaming, making dealings beyond compare but reality this is not here, to be heard as what this stands as.. diamonds got miss vixen and tangled the two in time ull see,, this is all just me sarah lucy miss perry miss vixen diamond and gloss princess of light shinning now with too many names just for extra pleasure after the alter egos gone how much left is me. does it matter that this is some blessed thing it seems so so now goodbye.

Take this each day, you get ta see me..in a real reality. All I see is you sitting as fame. In this game plan im as sane as ‘ever’ could provide…if ever the truth sings thru. I could say im proud but yet to see is the result so can pride even come into it, yay a ah na,


yes this is the bit that tells you, you cant ask me just wat ur thinking with out offence been taken,, coz i know what ur wanting and im not so sure..ur gnna get nuthing more than a smile. so go walk away in ur stride with the little pride urve got left, 


making u drive faster in that seat that u claim is ur fun, bought from the dollas urve grown. Puffing up in wat u see.

Its not what u were thinking this must be diamond, im still tryna find the divide between her and the dream miss vixen.. vix entering to get ur fix of shot unto the wall of living beaming deemed classes above the rest. Up to the best to see where this could go.. hoe. oh no..not the vixen in me.

Vixenised before your time.. this is the begginging and beyond diamonds fine lines….sez u spoke up in the rawest realest to provoke sumthing to rage the mind more than dope.. or the dopest. Mistakes are made in these faces. Yet success can be seen in one face left to dream…

Short an sweet its not easy to be when urve broken so many hearts…taken apart ur own soul for doing so…

Making this one last till the last laugh tears us apart

If you could step into this markd spot, making u go go go boi into my start breaker placement could be urs in this hot tub next to miss vixen into you for sure I could just say theres more than two im into you. Making you go go go boi for me. Oowe how it be that I could say this to you without a care in the world.. well well well that’s jus how I know ya see, youd be, if there were another way to be and to see.

I could do this big life.. living life above the ground walking all the way down to be seen like the sun hot beyond fireing heat, liking these chains but im wanting sapphires and diamond rings.. I want ta act in a life I know about..not this game of battles surviving on a blessing and a prayer.

MISS VIXEN enters

if u cant see wha tthis paper looks like in my wallet and into the tiller today i got wat i want. wagy woble not on ur hands this is miss vixen........ missed dimond lost her top N TURNED IN TO THE  gloss  speaking making u wnder past the shops straight to my ass. making u wonder how u ever lived without... me as diamond or vixen miss... put beautifully im the world of gurls represented in one body i make naked look like free fire. wen i move i lik like i like ryt up u. top to toe or toe to top of the place inm which u believed it was wrong to be spoken of. but i am the feminest of today so why c ant i be as does by a man obn a daily strive. knotches uo on that .. i tredated them worse than they couldve treated me as their hoe is what they hoped... yet.. haha they they they were mine mine ... unwanted trash up on that ass.. mixed in my glass vodka lime an and diamonds lemonade asked glossed up miss vixen approaches and the music saved u look at what was gaved.given.. never before this kinda liven mixen miss vixen!